The irony here, I think, is that if your wife had been able to pick up when Ally called, I don’t think they could have asked her all those questions. That’s confidential information that we’re always warned against giving out unless we initiate the phone call.
I’m not trying to make it complicated or criticize. 
They give you the 3rd degree and then some. That’s why it’s critical for the person who handles the finances to be familiar enough with account access info or to know where it’s located before talking with the financial institution. Or wait until the person who does is present.
I hope you can get them to make good on any fines/fees.
We used to be with Ally Bank, but closed our accounts because of redundancy, not any particular problem.